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With all the awareness about cougars out there, you'd think that men would be experts by now on how to snare them.

Not a fat chance based on the past few dates I've had. We won't cry when you tell us we look fat, or wake you up in the middle of the night and ask what's on your mind. We're already pretty confident in whom we are at this point, and frankly your opinions don't have much pull. We've been around the block more times than we care to tell, and we'd recognize a player if he showed up looking like our neighbor's son in Dockers and a sweater vest.

Although I'm not a bona fide cougar quite yet (I clock in just under the apparent age limit), I'm certainly not opposed to dating younger men... On behalf of other respectable self-established women who have no qualms with dabbling in prime meat territory, I'd like to set the record straight once and for all. Alpha cougars are sophisticated, intelligent, and on the prowl for sexual empowerment. Shuffleboard, comic book heroes, the latest i Phone app -- if you like it (and it will make us feel younger), we like it. Now be a good boy and go get mama a glass of chardonnay. Treat a cougar right, and she'll be all the woman you can handle.

Here, my tips for cougar hunters around the world: 1. Betas are usually just looking for someone to make them feel better about themselves. On your part, not ours -- honey, we're done chasing. Watch us come running ready to bust an uninhibited move (usually involving excessive finger snapping). But don't try to order a wine you can't pronounce or go claiming you can tell vintage from antique. Start playing games, and you'll be forced to settle for a puma.

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