I love the Werther’s Creamy Filling candies and he remembered that I liked Werther’s but bought me the originals instead of the kind I loved. Another time, after a long hard day he went to pick up a pizza so I wouldn’t have to cook and I asked if that restaurant had the bread-stick crust. Gottman did a study on how marriages were affected at the time of the couples’ first child and concluded that, “The couples whose marriages thrived after the birth had detailed love maps from the get-go…These love maps protected their marriages in the wake of this dramatic upheaval.”It is so important to be refreshing your “love map” throughout life– continually learning each other’s thoughts and feelings so that when stress comes, you are in the habit of it and you have more to love because you know more about each other. It was a fun way to learn more about each other and we’ve been married four and a half years! Write down or spontaneously create a list of at least 20 detailed personal questions.Be creative and cover lots of different subjects ranging from silly to serious. Once you’ve gone through all of them, turn it around and have your spouse answer for you.A little something called a “Love Map.”Marriage researcher John Gottman calls a “love map” a “mental notebook where you write down unique traits of your spouse and things about him or her you want to remember.” Things such as: important dates, dreams, goals, fears, likes, dislikes, favorite things, etc. Or did you ever try to spoil your spouse by buying him or her a treat only to find out that they’ve mentioned before that it wasn’t their favorite? ” We laughed so hard about this because that pretzel crust was nasty but he was so sincere in his efforts! Don’t get me wrong– he totally deserved props for trying and he received them but it was time to refresh his love map for both our sake! Love maps must be constantly updated, it’s not good enough to have an accurate one of your spouse from when you first got married or started dating. If you keep your love map of your spouse up to date, you’ll be able to better weather difficult and stressful times because you’ll know what your spouse needs and they’ll know what you need. Did your marriage improve or did it get a little rocky there for a bit? My husband and I started playing this game in the car.
When you start to put all these together, you realize that the person you love is just human—but that’s what makes them so special. #20 When do you think I first fell in love with you? [Read: 60 get-to-know-you questions for a new romance] #4 How’s my relationship with your family?
They may have their flaws, but they also have their stellar points. [Read: 50 revealing questions to know if someone’s right for you] Questions about your partner These questions, on the other hand, are designed to give your partner insight into your way of thinking.
Just appreciate the fact that you’re learning even more about your partner.
And remember: exercises and conversations like these are what makes relationships better, because they build connection and intimacy.
Read more about how it works on the Relationship Reveal Website.